“Hallelujah. Holy (expletive). Where’s the Tylenol?”
As foul-mouthed holiday rants go, a couple of Chevy Chase’s — as family man Clark Griswold in “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” — are up there.
Oh, they’re not as intentionally offensive as Steve Martin’s rental car counter tirade in “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” (he drops the f-bomb 18 times, if you’re counting).
Nor are they as endearing as Peter Billingsley’s “Only I didn’t say fudge” from “A Christmas Story.”
And let’s not even mention Jimmy Stewart’s filthy diatribe in the uncensored version of “It’s A Wonderful Life.”
Just kidding.
Like Santa’s sleigh, “Christmas Vacation” flies under the radar. It’s nowhere near as popular as those other holiday mainstays, but that’s OK — with its unvarnished look at the impossibly high expectations and nonstop pressure of the holidays, it works best as a cult classic, anyway.
Much like Clark, it’s a perpetual underdog.
If you’re a fan of the film, take this 20-question quiz to see just how closely you watched. And if you’ve never seen it, get your “cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, (expletive)less, hopeless, heartless, fat-(expletive), bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey (expletive)” self to the big box store bargain bin.
The sanitized ABC Family version’s just not as much fun.
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1. What Christmas carol are Clark and Ellen singing at the beginning of the film, as they head to the woods to cut down a tree?
2. Which sports team’s cap does Clark wear at various points throughout the film?
3. What item does Clark forget to bring on the tree-hunting expedition?
4. What does Clark plan to do with his Christmas bonus?
5. What does Clark receive instead of money for a Christmas bonus?
6. What does Aunt Bethany recite when the others ask her to say grace at the dinner table?
7. How many lights does Clark use on the house?
8. What kind of vehicle does Uncle Eddie drive?
9. What classic holiday movie is Clark’s son, Rusty, watching on television as the arguing in-laws arrive?
10. What does Clark do to amuse himself while he’s stuck in the attic?
11. What does Clark wear on his head when using his chainsaw for the first time?
12. What year was “Christmas Vacation” released?
13. What type of animal is in the Christmas tree?
14. What are the first names of Clark’s neighbors, played by Nicholas Guest and Julia Louis-Dreyfus?
15. What is the name of Cousin Eddie’s dog?
16. Who accidentally traps Clark in the attic?
17. When Clark finds himself on a runaway sled, what store is he at when the sled eventually stops?
18. What corrected Eddie’s daughter’s crossed eyes?
19. What song does the family sing together at the end of the movie?
20. What’s the last line of the movie?
Answers:
1. “Deck the Halls”
2. Chicago Bears
3. A saw
4. Install a swimming pool
5. A yearlong subscription to a Jelly of the Month Club
6. The Pledge of Allegiance
7. 25,000
8. RV
9. “It’s A Wonderful Life”
10. He watches home movies
11. A hockey mask
12. 1989
13. A squirrel
14. Todd and Margo
15. Snots
16. Ellen’s mother, Frances
17. Walmart
18. She got kicked by a mule
19. “The Star Spangled Banner”
20. “I did it.”